Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over!
Someone outside the door . . . WON'T LET'EM IN!!
Cuz I'm praying for rain and I'm praying for tidal waves,
I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down.
NOW THAT . . . IS FUCKING RAGE!
I see purple . . .
Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch Ein halbes Pfund Butter Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker Ein halbes Pfund Mehl Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse Ein wenig extra Staubzucker ... und keine Eier In eine Schüssel geben Butter einrühren Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und Den Teig verkneten Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen Im Staubzucker wälzen und Sagt die Zauberwörter Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und KEINE EIER Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen und Keine Eier ..
10/12/9
I think the thing is only loud so you don't hear the tech say, holy shit, look at that. As someone once said, dead is an improvement on a lot of things I can think of!
10/10/9
Things are rolling now. Answers will be nice. Uncertainty can be a bitch. I don't really care which direction I go, just need to get going. Not that I mind being a spectator. Just as a matter of self interest.
10/7/9
Mom's gone and I made the call. I guess only time will tell. Is there anybody left to care? I know I don't.
9/26/9
Wow, life is tough. As a matter of fact, life sucks. Nothing a little booze can help with. Things are coming together pretty fast now. That's ok. The interesting thought of the day is that it won't be long before all the good reasons for being are gone. Again, I am content on very little these days, even remined now and again by simple things like a smile or a laugh. Sounds corny, I know, but it was the context of the situation. Anyway, I will soon have means to make it work, or I will have no reasons left. Either way, I am ok. I am ok with whatever happens. I will find out soon enough. The reasons for not having all the answers are going away quickly, so I will search for the truth. It is really more about planning than anything else. As I said before (It seems fitting), I am Kevin's wasted life. What else can I say?
9/6/9
Ok, so one thing, I promised myself I would not edit anything, but the whole thing about making people feel guilty . . . well it is not about that. Just a side note.
9/6/9
Everyone hear the clack of the pills . . . catchy tune. No suprise I feel better when I am buzzed, or at least I don't care as much. Anyway, don't take any of this too serious, it is just my rant to myself. One thing I should say is that I figure everyone who is important to me knows how I feel about them and doesn't need to hear it from me. If you don't know this, then surely you ended up here by accident which would be cool too. Good days and bad, just hope my mom stays happy. She seems to be right now, which is all that matters. Sometimes I worry about what people will think, but on any "real" scale, nothing really matters, since anyone who might even care for a second will be gone soon enough. Becoming a star that is worth remembering sounds like too much work, even on the dark side of things. Well, again, none of it means anything, just maybe a tad bit of clarification on my way out. I don't really care, so you shouldn't. About me anyway. If you learned anything from me, cool, pass it on. If not, well fuck you. ;)
8/29/9
I have thought about it for a long time, trying to figure out the best way to do this and I have decided that that is part the problem. I am just going to start and see how it goes. It is possible that my condition makes it easier to not care how I do it. I know there is a problem, I have known for a long time. I guess I just don't care much anymore. I want people to know and feel sorry for me, but I don't want anyone to know. Does that make sense? I want there to be a record that someone might find. To make people feel guilty? Maybe, but . . . I just don't know. At this point I just hope my mother never has to find out about it. Does that mean I want her to die soon? No, but if she is going to go anyway, maybe first is best.
I am Kevin's wasted life. What else can I say?
If there is no god, then life really has no meaning.